Roles in Occupy: A User’s Guide

by Bill Say

Role awareness is vital in not repeating the mistakes of history where the oppressed overthrow their oppressors and then become them. It’s the lack of awareness that prevents us from collectively seeing how we become the one we oppose.

The Occupy movement is a global and promising one. Yet there are already glaring tendencies when the “99%” doesn’t recognize how it needs to become the “1%” and already acts like it, unintentionally. For example, I see the amazing potential and challenge when homeless people and those deemed “mentally ill” become a sizable part of the Occupy movement. The rough “mainstream” Occupy body seems to imply that these two groups detract from the respectability and functionality of Occupy, when I would argue that they are potentially its greatest evidence that the movement is working at a fundamental basis. Marginalization, homelessness, and mental illness are practically synonymous and these groups are a basic symptom of mainstream forces pushing out minorities for various reasons and leaving them to fend for themselves.

When the “mainstream” Occupy does not work to deeply integrate these groups, they will probably become yet another minority within the movement, and here Occupy becomes the “1%” it seeks to take down.

The police. A brutal tool of the “1%” some might argue. There might be truth to that. But if Occupy does not integrate a kind of authority that can reinforce safety and order then the police are necessarily called in to fulfill this role. If Occupy crosses lines of legality into violence and unlawfulness, the police will be constellated into action. Does that really help? It creates a battle of roles but does it serve greater purposes?

Authority is somewhat linked to the “1%” and Occupy seems to have a hard time dealing with it even within its own spheres. “Authority is what we’re against,” is what I hear subtexted but without it, again, this role becomes a disturbing and missing “role” in Occupy that will be both vilified and unconsciously enacted. That’s inevitable. We can’t help but become our enemies until we face how we are that and need to be, in an essential and positive way.

The big role to integrate in Occupy is the “1%.” If Occupy survives long enough but doesn’t integrate what the “1%” really is, it will become it. I bet a nickle on that. This is not to say that Occupy should become as oppressive and greedy as the “1%” it opposes. But let’s consider what lies beneath those tendencies to get at the heart of the “1%.”

Let me digress a moment to offer a common example of role awareness and finding the essence of a role. A child gets abused by the power of her/his parents. S(he) learns to reject power as it is tied to the abuse of it. S(he) has a series of figures in life who replicate this abusive role and fends off some of the worst by defending and avoiding such situations. But s(he) also finds that s(he) lacks enough power to really succeed in key areas of life. S(he) finds that the baby of power was thrown out with bathwater of power abuse and begins to reclaim that power and authority. If s(he) is aware enough her/his expression of power is a marked improvement over her/his parent’s version and if not, replicates the abuse. So, in one instance, the essence of that abusive parent may be clear, direct action.

What might be the essence of the “1%?” There are probably many answers to this. My answer is that the essence of the “1%” is what is most fundamental and positive about it at its heart. And that essence lies beneath greed, power, and domination. Here’s my stab at it: the essence of the “1%” that controls, dominates and accumulates wealth is a god like force that creates what it wills. And if that is close to the truth, then what the “99%” need is to exact a godlike force in creating the world as it wills it to be, one that is just, equitable, and deeply democratic.

Now, how can these roles be explored? This can be meaningfully explored at any level by any individual or group. We can ask: What are the issues? Who are the roles explicitly and implicitly involved? Then play with the roles. See what their deepest expressions are. And see where the interaction goes if you really stay with the deeper levels and conflicts. Don’t let it slip away! Role play is amazing as a way for the real experiences and information to start to find its way in via the play. When my son Gabe was 4 I said to him, “hey, let’s play. You be the daddy and I’ll be the baby.” He said, “ok.” I said, “hey daddy, let’s play.” He said, “forget it. I’m too busy.” And that took about a minute but it woke me up to an important part of our relationship that I really wasn’t fully aware of because I was too busy and too busy staying in my “dad” role. Role work can give us the information and the awareness and allows anyone and any group to go beyond conversing about the world issues that affect us to working on the world. That’s Worldwork and that is Process Work.

Greetings!

I was touched by the collective efforts made by some Process Work friends to come together and process issues that are hitting so hard in Greece. Here is an account of it.

Bill

finally some quiet time to write about the forum

we gathered on Saturday 90 something people and spent 3 hours together talking, sharing thoughts, feelings and experiences

we all left feeling well, no one got hurt, which was a big thing…

some complaints afterward that fires were quickly controlled and more heated interaction was missed

but many voices were heard

some that i remember – maybe others from the forum team will add their perspective on it too:

the

issue of responsibility – who is responsible for the situation we are

in, who is accountable, who will take responsibility, the difference

between personal responsibility and political responsibility, a reaction

against the attempt from the politicians to create a collective

responsibility/ guilt – “we all “ate” the money together, we all

profited” – to deflect their responsibility and put it onto the people,

while at the same time an attempt to take responsibility as a citizen,

from where a dialogue between the older generation and the younger one

emerged:

- i want to apologize to the younger generation for the mess we have

created, that we are leaving you with, it’s up to you now, the young

ones

- i feel you’re leaving me alone with a huge weight, i want you with me

- i’m not leaving you, i’m here with you to do what i can

the

older generation man read an email that has circulated widely as an

indication of the wide-spread practice over the years of people using

their connections to their local politicians or other people in power to

secure jobs in the public sector for their loved ones – in the email

the author wrote “i was able to secure a job for my son in the post

office and for my daughter in the high-school”

in reaction to this one woman said: “my father tried to convince me

to let him talk to the politician of our area to secure a job for me as a

psychologist in the municipality. i’m glad i resisted and didn’t let

him but i know that he did this out of his agony and his wish to care

for me and secure my future. I’m touched by your apology and i want to

thank you for it and for taking responsibility as an older generation”

this catalyzed momentarily the atmosphere as the deeper motivation

behind using personal connections to people in power to get a job that

you have applied for came to foreground

i’m either guilty for having a job in the public sector or guilty

for being unemployed – it’s the states’ responsibility to have jobs for

its people, that you have to use connections to get a job is a

governance issue, the state is responsible for organizing things

differently and not exchange “favors” for votes, and not the people’s,

who have to act in this way if they want to get a job

eruption then came for the political responsibility that is never

stood for by any politian: i’m sick of hearing about personal

responsibility, i’m furious,  it’s the politicians who have been and are

corrupt, they have eaten huge sums of money, from everywhere – the

olympic games, the ordering of weapons, the ordering of equipment – all

the money they have pocketed which now the public owes – everything has

been overcharged so that a big sum goes to the pay-off of politicians.

All this money has been borrowed and is “charged” to the people’s

account. I’m furious, they have to pay, they have to be punished. Rage

is the only thing that got me out of my desperation and motivated me. I

was immobilized. Now i’m out of my house, on Syntagma square, i’m not

leaving until they pay.

another participant reacted to the intensity of the rage: i felt

terror feeling your rage coming at me… and at the same time, i sense

this rage in me, i want to throw petrol bombs and kill.

- i’m terrified of your rage and mine, what will it makes us do?

- i on the other hand am furious that i’m afraid

- i don’t know where i am in all this

-  i don’t know what to do

-  i’m ready to desert the ship, there’s nothing here for me (younger person)

- when i hear you say that i’m moved to tears… i understand you need to leave but it saddens me deeply (older person)

it

was the first time that we heard it spoken publicly in a forum that “i

belonged to this political party or that political party”- someone said

that he was a ex-member of the right wing party that has ruled Greece

for decades, and was sick of it all and left all his friends there and

is now on the streets in Syntagma, and someone else said that she used

to be in the communist party and that she was tired of the wooden

language and empty words

there has been a huge split in this country between the people

belonging to the right and the left – people belonging to these two

parties were fighting one another in the civil war that broke out in

Greece right after the 2nd ww – with Britain and USA backing the right

wing and sending army to help defeat the fighters belonging to the

communist party, which was then forbidden and after signing a treaty

with them and having them surrender their weapons, there was a pogrom

against them, arrests, exile, torture, making life impossible for them,

many people escaped to other countries, only to come back 30 years

later, after the restoration of democracy in 74 after the fall of the

dictatorship…

restoration of justice and healing was attempted in 74 by

recognizing all those who had been caught and tortured and those who had

been exiled to the torture camps on the islands, as well as all the

fighters of the resistance against the Germans, the right wind and the

left wing resistance fighters giving them pensions, but the civil war

and all the atrocities that happened from both sides is very much

unprocessed still

so it was surprising to us to hear people talk in public that they used to belong to these two parties

also

very much present was a debate between feelings on the one hand and

thought and action  on the other- how much should we focus on feelings?

it stops us from focusing on thinking – where is room for political

thought about what’s going on? where is strategic planning on what to

do?

some were inspired by the very creation of the forum itself – by the

fact that our group got together and did something – we found that

space we were in – which was very powerful and calming at the same time -

and were having the forum – the importance of doing what you can with

those around you.

others felt a sense of tiredness from all the words… what’s the use? we’re talking, talking…

then in the small groups people talked and shared, everyone stayed

and participated and when we got back together and people shared what

they had talked about, all the “solutions” started coming out, in terms

of directions…

- we already know what to do, what we are suffering from -

“corruption” (talking to someone you know in a position of power to get

something for yourself, or taking bribes, etc) – is in essence

relationship, interconnection – used for the benefit of all is where we

need to go

- use our abilities and what each has to offer for collective good -

people spoke of examples where a group of people got together and by

each offering what they knew to do helped someone in need in such a

holistic way that person quickly came out of the crisis she was in

people wanted to meet again and some wanted to be involved in the

creation of it – one woman said she was in theater work and wanted to do

something with others interested in that area – we said one of our next

projects is street theater

we said we’ll have another forum in the fall

at the end,

people did a human chain to pick up and fold and stalk the 100 chairs

that we had rented from where we were sitting to a spot closer to the

street so they are ready to be picked up… everyone wanted to be part

of doing something together… it was very touching…

i felt so relieved when it was over… like a weight had lifted from my shoulders…

that

whole day i had been anxious – as i always am before facilitating – and

Lena and i in our preparation had worked with the energy of that spot

underneath the acropolis, i had sensed a spiral, that we all

collectively formed that spiral and got the message that all of us

together would do whatever it was we would do, which relaxed my agony,

and i then “left” completly, like in meditation, was in no mans land for

a while and when i “woke up” felt very relaxed, and Lena next to me

sensed a very straight line, the rock, felt grounded to the depths of

the earth and at the same time extending high up and the sense of being

an individual, of really being there… one of the feedback from someone

there was that they loved Lena’s presence which was like a rock…

it was really nice to work together and with the whole team… we

fixed up the place in no time, cleaned it, the leaves and the bathrooms

and set up the chairs and we’re ready an hour before it started and hang

out there all together waiting for people, and as people started coming

10 min before the start we greeted them – it was the first forum i’ve

seen so many hugs and kisses as people were coming in – i thought that’s

special, something about relationship was really important this time…

it was a nice feeling having done this all together…

i’m sending you some photos from the forum to get a sense of it from the pictures too

the preparation team loved reading your messages (i forwarded them to them before the forum) – we felt your support, which made us feel less alone

love to you all from us all, lily

If following the dance of “x” and “u” energies is a good way to follow the Tao and uncomfortable change processes, how precisely can we do so?

Today, I feel uncomfortable, anxious, and self-critical. This is roughly my “u” energy. In this case the “x,” or disturbing force, is an unresponsive world, or at least unresponsive according to some arbitrary timeline I hold. And so the “u” is an insecure part that this “x” impacts, riles up and disturbs. In this sense the “x” is “designed” for this vulnerable part of me.

If I stay with the “u” for a few moment it starts to waken. I get to know this part of me by focusing on my feelings and reactions. But we often stay with our “u” experience without enough inquiry into the “x” or the disturbing forces in life that we deem “not me or we.”

We can learn about other experiences, perspectives, and energies of life by going beyond our personal experiences and shifting to, at least temporarily, “become” the other energy, the “x.” So, if I take a moment and drop my own identity and become this unresponsive world, what will I find? I immediately feel more stable; I’m not in any hurry. I see that “Bill” is jittery, nervous, and impatient. But as the “x” I am slower moving than he is; I’m actually not unresponsive. And contacting this other part calms me down.

The dance of “u” and “x” is a helpful model for collective work as well. Consider a collective situation that you are part of, whether family, church, work group, or community. Is there an “x” energy that is currently disturbing your group? What is “u” of your group that the “x” is impacting? Perhaps the “u” experience needs more support and unfoldment. Maybe it needs to learn from the interaction with the “x” energy. As disturbing as the “x” might be, can the “u” learn from it?

The dance of “u” and “x” is usually an akward one, uncomfortable. Yet, as I suggested in Part two, this dance is one that often reflects growth processes and change. Developing fluidity as individuals and collectives with this dance is a power that can better weather even extreme change.

Stay tuned for Part four!

Join me at Modern Taoism: Finding Your Way in Life with Process Work in Berkeley Aug 27-28; at the Process Work Institute Portland Oregon Oct 15-16; or Breitenbush Hot Springs Detroit Oregon June 1-3, 2012.

Berkeley seminar info:  http://www.awakeningthebay.com/activity/731
www.CoreCommunity.com

Process Work Leadership & Facilitation Monthly Training Group begins August 6.  Free presentation July 24, 10am Berkeley
Register: http://processworkfacilitationleadership.eventbrite.com/

HUB Soma: Free presentation: Trouble at Work: Integrating Organizational Disturbances
Register: http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1811495231

What makes it so difficult to change,  for individuals and collectives?

One answer is identity. We naturally form identities in life, identities that help us feel a sense of self and functionality. Identities help us carry out various purposes beginning with giving us a self identity to “hang our hats on.” This holds for individuals and collectives.

But identity can also be box of limitation. “I/we are this and not that.” Fair enough until we bump into the “other,” the one that we deem “not me,” or “not us.” It also can be a limiting factor when change is afoot. Then disturbance can rock or tickle the box of identity unless we are fluid or aware enough.

Troubling events; symptoms whether physical, relational or organizational; and “others” can signal the arrival of change. Evolution, positive change, and transformation mostly seem to happen without our bidding or without our full awareness. That makes life and change exciting and not infrequently stressful. Our identities are like familiar old shoes. We know them. The unfamiliar shakes up and pushes up against our “edges,” the rough defining lines between what we know and what we don’t, what we intend and what is unintended.

Organizations often experience conflicts that represent this collision between the known and the mysterious. And this may have little to do with strategic plan or mission. Systemic processes are alive, not easily tamed, and contain power that can be utilized for creative purposes. There are an infinite range of growth processes that may occur. One not uncommon process is the process of democracy. Sometimes organizations are hit by conflicts that push up against hierarchical structures and imply that this kind of change wants to happen beyond the expressions of any one person. Sometimes the opposite can occur when more hierarchy naturally wants to occur in a system that lacks it.

Somewhat arbitrarily we in Process Work refer to the “me” or “we” as the “u” energy, and the “other” or disturbing force as the “x” energy. Then it is following the dance of u and x as they meet, collide, and inform each other’s awareness process. Want to follow the Tao of your individual or collective life in little and big ways? Then follow this dance as your main identity bumps up into momentary and longer term disturbers. The study and immersion into this meeting of known identity and mysterious “other” will probably show the deep current of actual movement and change. This again is often beyond the intentional. This is what life dishes up.

In both my private therapeutic practice and in my organizational consulting practice I’ve noticed that change, even positive change, can often register as a problem.

How is it that positive change can so easily be doubted, and not seen for what it is?

The Tao is the underlying current of life. Some might call it God, physicists might call it the implicate order, but it may just be what underlies both the nuts and bolts of our lives as well as constituting its mystery.

There is change that is intentional. We plan on it; we want it. There is also change or evolutionary processes that is unintentional. And sometimes, the intentional aligns with processes that emerge from the depths of life; the Tao or God. We can align with God or grace or the implicate order. Some might call it a “flow” moment.

Recently, I had a session with the founder of Process Work, Arnold Mindell. I wanted to work on the pinched nerve that had been plaguing me for the last four or five months. Process Work suggests a “rainbow” approach to medicine and physical symptoms. That is to say, that as well as addressing symptoms at the consensus reality level, say of skeletal structure that pinches nerves, that other levels are also addressed. And one of the levels that Process Work addresses is “the Dreaming,” or psychology, in that it is what is behind the scenes of our behavior. In my case, to paraphrase a number of different dreaming process steps, there was embedded in my physical symptom a “dream” of ambition! The physical condition occurred at the level of consensus reality, or the reality that most people would agree to. But a dreaming process is a nonconsensual reality, and that is one that fewer people would agree to.

The Australian Aboriginies have a saying that “before the kangaroo there is the dream of a kangaroo.” I frankly wasn’t aware of a lot of ambition cooking in me until Mindell suggested it. He referred to it as “sublimated ambition.” Here, there was first a dream of ambition and then came its manifestation.

Soon, I became engaged in a number of arenas of work and expressed a deep level of ambition that “life” seemed to want to cooperate with. And because of this deeper level of work expression I’ve been finding myself stressed and pressured. I was uncomfortable! Then I had other moments when I felt deeply engaged and committed to my various work endeavors and I simply felt great!

I noticed that even with an awareness of the “ambition process” that it’s been easy to have moments of doubt, especially with the amount of discomfort that I’ve been feeling. In other moments I have been deeply appreciative of the sheer grace that has supported this kind of ambition being met so well. This experience has made me more respectful of the kinds of trepidation, doubt and hesitancy that can accompany even a very positive growth process on the part of an individual or collective. This moment has helped me see how much support, sensitivity, and clear guidance we all need in different growing moments of life.

Greetings!
I’ve been shy to write a second blog entry. Why?

I don’t know. I’m guessing that I’m afraid, but I don’t feel afraid. I could just say that everything else takes precedence. But if I were afraid… I’m afraid because to write publicly about diversity is like writing about God. People may want to string me up!

How is diversity related to God? There is a notion that God got bored with the unmanifest realm, so created a physical universe to start to know herself. This is life popping up in wild, wonderful, and disturbing ways. Life, or God getting to know herself, is one big diversity project. That’s one way to look at.

Of course this connects God to things like relationship problems, falling in love, murder, illness, and potent dreams. This view (which is partly corroborated by quantum physics such as David Bohm’s implicit and explicate orders), suggests that all of life (the explicate) arises out of a primordial ground of manifestation (the implicate). That is, we are all part of some Big Mind, God if you will. This One cooks up for us a dizzying array of phenomena so we can better know ourselves.

Here, people differences of gender, race, sexual orientation, religion, political view and perspective make me think, “God is a genius!” What better way for God to know herself than in the struggles we have with our human differences! Why else would racism, sexism, and homophobia exist, but to provide high contrast situations for this collision: God getting to know herself.

Of course these collisions can be painful, and I myself have sometimes wanted to die for the sheer pain and hopelessness I can feel around exclusion, racism, and marginalization. But if we look deeply at the bright side right now, maybe the excluded and the excluder have the same essential root.

The Process Work of Arnold Mindell, a multi-disciplinary approach to individual and collective change, works with a wide array of life situations. Process Work addresses issues ranging from comatose states to organizational problems, from marital distress to chronic physical symptoms. Process Work posits three basic levels of reality: consensus reality or the reality that most people can agree upon, the dreaming level or the level of psychology, and the essential level of life where things are just beginning to be manifest. Getting to the essence of even disturbing expressions can often be quite clarifying and helpful.

I think there is an essence or divinity even at the heart of things like racism. Though I have felt the severe effect of racism in my life, I imagine at the heart of the racist is the dream of unity, of people being united in sameness. “If ‘we’ could only get rid of those who differ from us, maybe ‘we’ could live in unification and harmony.”
Please don’t misunderstand me. I have great objection to racism, and other forms of exclusion. I also wonder about their roots, and how this view may be potentially helpful. And how about “me?” What may be at the heart of the excluded? For me, I have been so “wiped out” by racism that I barely exist at times. This wispy existence lends itself to transcendence and detachment. Here, at the edge of life, and even death, please know that “living” on the earthly plane can feel like death and despair. And that “dying” and ego death can feel like life and the beauty of all things possible.

The racist or excluders may have an essence that says, “Yes, let us all be one and alike. That is best.”

The excluded may say, “Yes, let me disappear at the edge of life, and there know no limitations. That is best.”

A third perspective says, “Yes, you both seek a paradise of sorts, but be aware and sensitive to each other and know that your positions may switch at any time.”
Today there is undoubtedly an excluded one and an excluder who will both suffer. Today there may also be an excluded one and an ex-cluder who, rooted to their deepest dreams and experiences, feel sensitive and aware of each other, and live in some form of paradise. I wish for a paradise on earth and sometimes feel it. But on other days, God knows through me and others the wish for death and the new life that ultimate freedom can bring. This shared existence implies that I am you and you are me. You have the power, and I have the power. You are God, and so am I.

Hello !

When I speak in public, I often ask permission to work on myself for a minute or so before presenting. This work on myself is a kind of diversity awareness process in itself as I get to at least briefly acknowledge inner, and potentially outer resources, critics, experts, doubters, and the fearful part of me.

I noticed that I was dragging my feet in posting my first blog and now want to work on myself. Working on myself in this context is simply bringing attention to whatever I notice in the moment as I start this blogging process.

First, I notice the Stevie Wonder song “All Day Sucker” playing in my kitchen. And then I notice a slightly congested breath, and some soft or sad feeling in my eyes. I notice the tightness in my chest again. And when I feel it, I become more internal and feel more peaceful.

Next, I start to become aware of you. Who might be reading this? Are you already losing interest? Am I already another self- involved blogger? Maybe I need to quickly say something important or interesting. I feel some pressure. I assume that you won’t give me much of your time unless I give you a good reason.

But are you just reading/listening and am I just writing/speaking? How open am I to hearing from you? I have my own ideas, experience, and philosophy regarding diversity. I think I have some openness to learning from you. But frankly I’m a bit scared to be too open to change. Or maybe I’m a bit scared to find how rigid I am in my beliefs.

I should say a little of what I do believe.

Diversity awareness is intimately tied to sustainability of self, relationships, health, community, and world. A simple example that demonstrates this is the awareness an individual has of his or her own fatigue. Chronically ignoring awareness of this tiredness will make health unsustainable. Of course this presumes life conditions where one has the option to notice such things and then be able to exercise options such as resting.

Diversity awareness, or DA, is inextricably linked to a deeper democracy, where all people, perspectives (except the purely harmful ones), genders, races, religions, sexual orientations, abilities, mind states, and feelings have a place. I extend this democratic inclusion to the natural elements of air, water, earth and all the living creatures with which we share our world. To create deep democracy we need to first start to become aware of the people, perspectives, elements, etc., that are involved.

Speaking of deep democracy, I think of the author of this term and want to acknowledge one of my teachers of many years, Arnold Mindell (www.aamindell.net). Mindell founded Process Work and his seminal work with diversity has moved me greatly. One of the things I love about Process Work is that it follows naturally occurring processes in people and therefore its interventions tend to be sustainable. Another thing I like is that the same principles of following nature, respecting diversity, and working with what is marginal yield good results whether working with an individual’s physical symptom, a couple’s marital problems, an organization’s dilemmas, or conflicting groups in disparate parts of the world.

I link DA to health and wholeness. What we marginalize, ignore, repress, or kill off will eventually harm us. Inclusion is the key to wholeness. An example of this is clearly shown in the studies that link gender equality, women’s rights, population control, and biodiversity (State of the World 2003. 2003). Marginalizing women and their rights will also limit their say in reproduction and therefore population growth. Because population growth in the biodiversity “hotspots” of the planet is a crucial issue, women’s rights is also crucial. I say this with self-consciousness as a male. And I name this linkage because I know, in my own version, that marginalization harms my health and well-being. As a Korean/Japanese American, having experienced racism and marginalization, I struggle with my own health issues. Some of these apparently stem from exclusion. In the U.S. we say “you make me sick” as a way to indicate displeasure in someone’s company. You undoubtedly know people that enhance your feelings of well-being and others who do “make you sick.” Well, marginalization makes people sick whether it is sexism, racism, or other biases.

Marginalization is pushing away. It’s forgetting, repressing, ignoring or pushing something or someone off to the margins. For me, marginalization is an essential key to DA work. It’s natural for people to marginalize certain elements of life, even vitally important ones. Marginalization is a potentially helpful key as it is a reliable indicator of what needs to be included for collective and individual well being.

Of course, marginalization is also a big problem. For example, in the U.S., as in other parts of the world, gender, skin color, and sexual orientation, to name a few human factors, affect health and well-being. These human factors also influence the availability and quality of health care.

D A is diversity awareness because awareness, or the process of noticing is crucial to it working as a tool for individual, relational, and collective life. But if what is important to notice is in the shadows, in the margins of life and in the mind, this awareness must be willing to go into the unknown. This takes attitude. We can be more willing to cultivate the attitude that wants to know. We can become curious about our bodily symptoms rather than merely trying to alleviate or rid ourselves of them. We can become interested in the disturbing points of view that our spouses, friends, co-workers, or enemies possess rather than simply making them wrong.

Of course this is easier said than done. In future blogs I‘ll explore how this can be done in ways that make friends with the problematic parts of life.